ASJ-Relationship Recommendations

RECOMMENDATIONS: Relationships "Courtship” to “Marriage"

Basic Fundamental Standards:

These traits are considered to be basic fundamental standards and vice versa where applicable. Both persons (male and female) may be accountable if any breach accrued after “since sense" which I call “maturity” i.e. 13 years + 1 day males, 12 years + 1 day females – (some “Jewish”/ “Hebrew” / Israelite” Application), or as applicable by GOD.

It seems that males (11-13yrs), and females (8-9yrs) are able to propagate (reproduce) according to the general medical community. Maturity seems to be 2 to 3 yrs after puberty begins. Some accountability may be voided based on lack of knowledge. Under conditions: see standards believed to be GOD'S for humans.

Some of these traits are automatic, once GOD is as HE ought to be to each.

1. Love and respect for GOD

No transvestite – only persons born male to persons born female. The Aphrodite group may be a special group allowed by GOD to exist. If born Aphrodite, this seems to be GOD’S allowance and not the person’s – they are considered (by me) off limits to persons born male, as mates. They (the Aphrodite) may be acceptable to one born female (as I believe) who is still female at proper marriage – sex after wedding. Marriage is viewed as sexual interaction. Marriage due to prostitution is under investigation.

This means:

a. Each potential mate is expected to seek to do right always / live and apply right as a lifestyle.

b. Each is expected to love GOD (by obeying GOD)

(Whatever each does, doing is expected to be done with the intent to please GOD, while seeking GOD'S truth for personal edification {personal standard based on GOD'S mouth} If not known)

To have the best for oneself, it seems, is to please GOD by obeying HIM. Since GOD alone (as I believe) knows what is best for each, it seems that HIS instructions produces the method for us to attain the best for ourselves while honoring GOD, and ourselves.

See 10 commandments - Exodus / Shemot 20:3-17; Seemingly a clip from the Law

Rest of the Law (Deuteronomy / Devarim) Deut. 5:4-22:

à The 10 commandments are the only text in the bible which seems to be written as being given by GOD to a man or woman which was written by GOD’S finger to be a standard of living.

à The first giving of the “tables of stone” (Ex 20:12-15; Deut. 9:10) seemed written by GOD; the second giving of the “tables of stone” (content same as in the first) seemed written by Moses (Ex 34:24-27; Deut. 5:22; 10:4).

à A part of the law seems to have been spoken by GOD to Moses and the “children of Israel” at the same time, before being written. Ex 20:12-15; Deut. 4; 12-14.

The “Ten Commandments” seem to be a general universal standard of all beings

2. Have "head on shoulders"

This means:

a. Intelligent – able to form words and expressions suitable to oneself and comprehendible by the other.

b. Godly application of truth to be applied (this seems to be wisdom).

c. It is believed, Eve was compared to Adam - Gen2:18-23. If each male and female are patterned after such and are to follow this principle - the female is expected to be compared to the male. This seems, to allow the male to determine if the female is compatible with/to him, which seems to be the main condition of a courtship / marriage relationship.

d. Able to think as an individual (both male and female are expected to enhance each other)

3. Attractive – appealing – in each eyes according to GOD'S standards. This means being observed in a manner pleasing to GOD, and not with inappropriate lust (desire, yearning) and covetousness (greed), each is expected to be pleasing / delightful to view.

4. Have the ability to enhance (boost & refine) each other according to GOD'S design, when it is pleasing to GOD, and pleasing to both the male and female.

Some types of enhancements:

a) Spiritually – Unseen etc. (Spirits that aid each will be “concentrated” as is pleasing to GOD for the best for both male and female). This may, or may not be via each conscious instructions or knowledge.

b) Mentally – Reasoning, talking, etc. which stimulates the mind.

c) Physically – Contact etc. (when and how, GOD first, then the male and the female are pleased with it)

5. Honorable - Know have to conduct yourselves when the other is around or not. Intentional deception, suggestively or otherwise, is not expected from either.

6. Untouched sexually (see Law, incl. Deut24:1-4, & Gen24:12-22)

The term “Virgin” assessment:

Kaplan Torah à Gen 24:16

The girl was extremely good-looking, [and] she was a virgin untouched by any man. The girl went down, filled her jug, and then came up again.

Bible (King James Version) à Gen 24:16

And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.

Bible (Hebrew Names Version) à Gen 24:16

The young lady was very beautiful to look at, a virgin, neither had any man known her. She went down to the spring, filled her pitcher, and came up.

Bible (Revised Standard Version) à Gen 24:16 - The maiden was very fair to look upon, a virgin, whom no man had known. She went down to the spring, and filled her jar, and came up.

(Leviticus / VaYikra / Lev)

See also Lev 21 – for usage of the terms “Virgin” and “virginity”.

Please note the term “virgin” here seems to mean a “maiden” – thus, in the Bible it should be one and the same – therefore, it seems in the bible a male is never a “maiden”, as is implied in the 1980’s etc.

See Deut 32:25 virgin may indeed be young female

The sword without, and terror within, shall destroy both the young man and the virgin, the suckling also with the man of gray hairs.

The term for the male is still being checked – it does not seem to be “virgin” though.

Thus, (if above on/in #6 is correct) it is strongly recommended for each female to have a female gynecologist unless such is her husband.

7. Desires to have children of own - with one person

(Currently under research)

(This is seemingly only to a female, the male it seems, can have one wife or more wives - on the bases of treating each with dignity, respect, and being able to take care of all – where none lacks any rights marital or otherwise due by him to them. The male’s first seems should be untouched, while the others can be or not, providing their previous mates are not alive, their separation was not due to nor is adultery, and their (previous) marriage (s) was / were not adulterous.)

(Currently under research: "nakedness

Each should not have exposed their nakedness - except to whom GOD is / was pleased – this may mean for the female other females (mid wives) only can and should deal with, and or see her genitals and nakedness. (To date – year 2002, this seems to include the “navel”, “midriff”, abdomen area, thighs, and loin – the loin is considered to be from lowest rib and or (navel) to lower hips - Exodus 28:42. There should have been no (adult male) man seeing certain parts of her body after she has matured (2 to 3 yrs after puberty begun) or as GOD gives. Much less, touching parts of her body – be it clothed or not. Her “health aid”, “female nurse” etc is expected to be persons born female, who is still female at the time of assistance.

For males it might be more complex, see Noah Gen 9:20-23; & Ex 28:42

Another option – “nakedness” may be simply sexual interaction (laying with) as seems presented in Deut. 27:20

HNV (^27:20Cursed be he who lies with his father's wife, because he has uncovered his father's skirt. All the people shall say, Amein.)

KJV – (20: Cursed be he that lieth with his father's wife; because he uncovereth his father's skirt. And all the people shall say, Amen.) If this is so it seems the nakedness of males are different from that of the females.

See also father’s wife in Lev. 20:11, Deut 27:20;

see Aunt in Lev 20:19;

see sister-in-law Lev20:20;

see woman during flows Lev20:18;

Yet another – “Nakedness” may be “seeing” some skins of parts of the body: Lev 20:17: And if a man shall take his sister, his father's daughter, or his mother's daughter, and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their people: he hath uncovered his sister's nakedness; he shall bear his iniquity. (Currently under research: "nakedness")

Maybe a man can see any female in any condition at any time as long as the female is not his sister.

8. Both shall be become the best friend of each other (Seems automatic when above conditions are in place)

9. None should have pierced their ear in any part. Currently under research. It is believed that this act signifies one being a slave (Ex. 21:2-6), and may be an alteration that is contrary to the standards of GOD for humans, unless the human (male or female) becomes a slave for life. Some believe the ear can be mended as if not pierced due to the passage of time – as a cure. Other body parts and places are also under investigation.

10. HEIGHT: Currently under research: It is believed that the height of a man to his mate (female) should be one of approximately 0 – 6 inches taller. This is due to what is believed to happen at “consummation” – “sexual embrace while laying “, and at “sexual embrace while sitting”. It seems that the males’ mouth, eyes, navel, nose, breast etc. should be approximated and or in contact with the females’ during these embraces. It seems normal for a male’s head to be tilted downward or held horizontally when kissing his wife - generally for standing “toe to toe”, and or in any “honorable” sexual embrace. If the male is taller, note the contact of the female’s breast and other parts to him. If the female is taller, her breast may not contact him at all while in a sexually embrace – this seem not fitting – especially if there is any type of exchange due to each body part’s contact.

Additive: Under Investigation: Height to Size Ratio

The height to width (size) ratio of a person should be within certain limits. The size of a man to his wife seems as if it should be approximate for persons with waist of 45 inches and smaller. If ones height to size is within a certain limit, it may not matter what size you are.

Weight: the female’s is expected to be “not much more” than the males, or it should be less.

11. AGE: Tentative: 1-5years the males junior seems best. It seems acceptable to "court" (reason with, with plan to merge / marry) a female who is 1 to 10yrs the male’s junior (when the female is a min 21years). An Islamic code: a man’s mate could be half the males age plus a few (maybe 1, or 2 years etc)

11-13 is considered to be the ages of maturity for males, since some male’s specific maturing age is not known, an expected min. age for some may be set at 10yrs their junior (or females’ min 21yrs. when the male is older). This is because, it is believed that at the ages of 11-13 years most males should have had (or have) the ability to propagate and produce children; anyone who is at the age of a daughter (11 years younger) might not be considered as a possible wife.

Several recommendations which have been introduced:

- A man’s wife’s age should not be less than half his age.

- A man’s mate should be past puberty, legal age, and has developed (Consider 21 years).

“Adolescence in young women begins around age 11 and continues through about age 16. In young men, the corresponding period begins about age 13 and continues through about age 18.” Copyright © 1996-1999 WebMD, Inc. - All rights reserved.

– Note: Rebekah was believed to be approx. 13 years when she became Isaac’s wife. Gen24:16

– She was called a “damsel” – usually a girl between 12 and 12½ years old (Sanhedrin 66b; Yad, Issurey Biyah 3:4). Via Translated Torah – “Navigating The Bible”

– Isaac was 40 years when he took Rebekah to wife. Gen.25:20

This is only a note, not a standard of mine – today this is called “statutory rape”; females of 19 years, and younger with an adult male.

12. Looks / Appearance and actions: It seems applicable to couth a female whom you would desire to have your daughters to look and or act as the female who my be their mother. Likewise, the sons as the male.

13. Food; Consider the foods each may desire yourself and or your children to eat, if the possible mate eats any of such foods that are not desirable, how does this affect the family if such foods are continued to be eaten after marriage and children. Consider, Deut 21:10-14, Deut 20:12-18 and Num 31:17-18.

14. Life style: In the process of considering a mate, it seems applicable to give the female the “benefit of the doubt” such that her lifestyle expenses before marriage should be maintained – unless it was one of unnecessary extravagance and or sinful applications. Therefore, each male is recommended to consider the status of a female’s lifestyle before courtship, if it is suitable to be maintained and or the expense thereof to be continued, it should be.

15. Debt Expenses: Somewhere I heard someone say, it is a common trend for a new couple to take on each other’s expenses. However, consider each other’s expenses before any decision is made to couth to wed, and marry.

NOTES:

It is believed the monetary cost of “having”, and “taking care” of a baby (one child) for the first three (3) years of life may be about $10,000 – $20,000 US Dollars (Based on “Baby Cost Calculators” via the Internet; see also www.parenting.com). This does not include the care of the mother and fetus during pregnancy. Therefore, it is recommended, each male set aside for the care of a child the amount above before impregnating a female. Each female, it is recommended to have the amount above or most of it, as a security option; if the male does not or is unable to fulfill his responsibility of providing for the child.

SOMEONE HAS EXPRESED TO ME, ONCE YOU BEGIN HAVING CHILDREN:

“YOUR LIFE BECOMES YOUR CHILD’S / CHILDREN’S.” In other words, at that time you live to satisfy and secure your child / children to adult age/ages which is maturity, then it is their (your child / children’s) turn for themselves.

During the month of August 2003 / Jumad Thani or Rajab 1424 / Av 5763, I heard a caller to a morning radio show (102.9 FM, I believe) in the Bahamas, made reference to the importance people generally place on breeding dogs. Para: a great deal of planning and consideration is given to the breeding of dogs, yet when it comes to people, it’s as if - “whatever comes, comes”. The caller was stressing the importance of human relationships, and why it is so important for it to be done right.

NOTE: How much more significant is the human offspring compared to a dog’s!?

COURTSHIP

(Recommended to be a minimum 1 Year process or as GOD is pleased)

This is considered to be the process of a man and woman (one born male and one born female, not transvestites) reasoning with each other and with the intent to help in the preparation of each other for the responsibilities that will come with the sealing of their marriage agreement. This sealing is believed to be sexual application which is believed to come after the wedding.

BETROTHAL OR ENGAGEMENT

(Recommended to be a minimum 1 Year process or as GOD pleased)

This (betrothal and or engagement) is considered to be a public announcement which states that a man and woman is sanctified (set aside) for sexual and intermit activity with each other – which will begin at contact with a certain intent, and confirmed with the sealing of the marriage agreement. This will allow anyone (who has just cause that this up coming marriage is contrary to GOD - adulterous etc.) to come forth and attempt to prevent a sin (or further sinning) against the individuals who are expected to be wedded, Society, Societies, the Universe, and thus GOD. There seems to be a mandatory request at the wedding ceremony - something as the following;

" ... if there is anyone here who has any reason (Just cause) why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace."

(Some “Jewish” and “Islamic” standards: no contact until wedding / marriage;

Some believe the two should not be in the same “closed and or locked” room alone together).

Expected Priorities up to the time of engagement is believed should be:
1st - GOD,
2nd – GOD’S instruction to oneself,
3rd – Parents,
4th - The rest of the humans in the world.
(See 10 Commandment layout - Exodus20:3-17)
Since the Bible (Deut22:23-27) calls the betrothed a wife, she may be in class #2 with her future mate.

WEDDING

This is considered to be a public announcement and a display, that the male and female has “counted the cost”, and accepted GOD'S standards of and for sex, family - spouse and offspring etc. This means the sanctification of both for each other is not adulterous, and the events to follow will not be contrary to GOD for both (as best they can tell). The length of the “wedding” may be limited by the question to the general public, the responses, and the exchange of agreements factors etc – not an elaborate ceremony.

MARRIAGE

This is considered to be the sealing (sexual interaction - consummation) of the agreement that will make the two one. (e.g. two bodies sharing personal spirits until death.) This is why the "honeymoon - marriage" is reserved for a time after the wedding – to allow the sealing of the agreement that was made at the wedding. As of the 16^th August 2000, it is concluded: it may be best (if a first time wife and a first time husband – both having sex for the first time) for consummation of their wedding agreement (the marriage) to be in their own dwelling. That is, the male and female who are the first sexual partners and will have sexual interaction for the first time should have a place of their own away from others to seal their wedding agreement. This should allow their bodies to be as far away from another’s to avoid hearing, seeing etc of/by other person(s).

If consummation of vow is to take place as soon as possible after the wedding, the wedding should be planned for a day after the female’s monthly menstruation cleaning. In addition the wedding should be a morning one, such that both male and female can wash up before the sun sets, and consummation can take place before or after sunsets, and will be one in cleanliness. If consummation is before sunsets, it is expected that they wash up again, after sexual interaction and before the sunsets. Thus, it is recommended to have a morning wedding, after wedding wash up before sunsets, consummate after sunsets, enjoy the embrace (s) as long as chosen for that time period before washing up again - before the next sunset. See Lev 15:1-33; Lev 17:15-16; and Deut 23:9-11.

Further consideration:

See also, “Noble Qur’an” Chapter 2 verse 222-223;

(In the English Language
A Summarized Version of At-Tabari, Al-Qurtubi and Ibn Kathir
with comments from Sahih Al-Bukhari
By
Dr. Muhammad Taqi-ud-Din Al-Hilali, Ph.D.
Dr. Muhammad Muhsin Kha)

2:222. They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they have purified (from menses and have taken a bath). And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allâh has ordained for you (go in unto them in any manner as long as it is in their vagina). Truly, Allâh loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves (by taking a bath and cleaning and washing thoroughly their private parts, bodies, for their prayers, etc.).

2:223. Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will, and send (good deeds, or ask Allâh to bestow upon you pious offspring) before you for your ownselves. And fear Allâh, and know that you are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give good tidings to the believers (O Muhammad SAW).

See also, “Holy Qur’an” Chapter 2 verse 222-223;

(via University of Virginia Library Electronic Text Center)

"2.222": And they ask you about menstruation. Say: It is a discomfort; therefore keep aloof from the women during the menstrual discharge and do not go near them until they have become clean; then when they have cleansed themselves, go in to them as Allah has commanded you; surely Allah loves those who turn much (to Him), and He loves those who purify themselves.

"2.223": Your wives are a tilth for you, so go into your tilth when you like, and do good beforehand for yourselves, and be careful (of your duty) to Allah, and know that you will meet Him, and give good news to the believers.

Expected Priorities after taking a mate (believed to be):
1st - GOD,
2nd – Man, his wife, and offspring(s),
3rd – Both male’s & female’s parents.
4th - The rest of the humans in the world, in order below.
        a)       brothers and sisters
        b)       nieces and nephews
        c)       aunts and uncles
        d)       cousins (1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, ……….100th etc)

Cousins - include all humans who are not in a – c)
(See 10 Commandment layout - Exodus20:3-17, and Sabbath clip Mark 2:27)

______________________________________________________________________________________

In this text “Relationship Aid” GOD is considered to be “the HIGHEST being”, “the Most Right Doing being”, “the Most Powerful being”, and the being which intends to aid in bringing about the best for humans. Here in this text, GOD is concluded to be “YHVH”, “YHWH”, “Jesus’ Father”, “Allah”, “the being which give right for Buda’s enlightenment”, “the GOD of Zeus” (the head of the Olympian angelic beings), etc. (Please note: GOD is sometimes used as “the highest group of unseen beings” which governs in/by their government over all existence”.)

The term “GOD'S standards” (under investigation), is considered to be the instructions which the “HIGHEST being” (the being which oversees and is authority to all existence) has presented to a human, and or to all humans as a process to live by. To date the closest and most applicable seems to be some elements of the “Law” found in the first five books of the Bible / Torah, and some elements of the Qur’an.

The term “girl friend” in this text is used to identify a female who is being “courted” and or “communed with” with the intent to “marry” after a “wedding” (public pronouncement and ceremony of promise and commitment) and who also has expressed this agreement. It seems, courtship is only to be applied once it is determined that both (male and female) are agreeing according to the “standards of GOD” in reference to each other. “LOVE” is considered to be “Obedience to GOD”, according to GOD. See ending of document for further explanations of opinion on “betrothed”, “courtship”, “wedding”, and “marriage”.

The term “male” is used interchangeably with the term “me” due to the conditions in which the collection texts were compiled.

The term “high lighted” in these pages refer to what is believed to be a condition where GOD presents and or allows a male and or a female to notice each other for the process of:

1. Interest, (favor and / or consideration for reasoning, to determine courtship or not with each other.)

2. Aid for both, or one via the unseen, physical, etc.

3. To aid someone other than themselves in recognizing standard(s). etc.

It seems very important for each person to be themselves, while examining the possibilities of who may be a mate, and or as in “high lighted”. It seems only by being oneself, proper knowledge and understanding will be conveyed – since deception and false presentations if believed will seemingly only result in delusion.

Self (individualism): seems to be enhanced and developed in obedience to GOD by seeking HIS instructions or words from HIS mouth (if not known). In all things, it seems, it is GOD who becomes the instructor, and this is where “the 10 commandments”,” the rest of the laws given to Moses”, “Jesus words” and/or any words from GOD’S mouth is believed to be applied more specifically - (note GOD’S instructions to the individual, and to the general people). IN OTHER WORDS IN “DENYING SELF” implies neglect of oneself. This seems contrary to GOD’S instructions of “Concentrating to improve oneself as an individual under GOD, and ACCORDING TO GOD”. “Obedience to GOD” (is what I call “Love”) this seems to establish “self”, not destroy it.

It is believed in the 2000 years-Gregorian Calendar (1420 Hijri Calendar and 5760 Hebrew Calendar), the “approach”, and or follow up to determine a “girlfriend” or a mate by a male should be when the younger is at the age of 21 years and or older. NOTE at younger ages where “relationships are going” it is recommended only “friendships to build and improve standards” be the quest, and no sexual interaction.

Bible /Torah /Qur’an books used here in this text “Relationship-Aid”

English: Hebrew Translation:

Genesis (Gen) …………Beresheet …

Exodus (Ex) ……………Shemot

Numbers (Num)……….. Bamidbar

Leviticus (Lev) …………VaYikra

Deuteronomy (Deut) …..Devarim

Matthew (Matt) …………Mattityahu

Mark……………………..Mark

Luke……………………..Luke

John…………... ………..Yochanan

HNV à Hebrew Names Version of Bible

KJV à King James Version of Bible

RSV à Revised Standard Version of Bible

Holy Qur’an

Noble Qur'an

20050924-RelationshipAid

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